The Langa Rejection Club - Chapter 11 - ThotWings (ThickenNugget) (2025)

Chapter Text

“I still don’t understand why ?” Even as the phone's speaker muffled the voice Reki could hear the stronger emotions behind his friend’s words.

“I told you dude,” The back gate of the Shindo estate lingered between open and closed with all the indecision his hands held. “I said I’d hear her out so-”

“She hurt you.” Langa’s tone hardened and Reki could just picture the way it must’ve made him scowl.

“Yeah I know but,” A small sigh came as he gave up on the gate and slumped into the wall beside it. “I don’t know, I think I just need closure or whatever.”

He kicked some of the dirt with the toe of his sneaker, it’d been a while since he’d been here in anything other than the suit he’d handed back to Tadashi yesterday. Part of him thought that wearing his normal clothes on the outside would stop things inside from feeling so different, or maybe return him to who he was before this whole mess had started.

But that wasn’t how things worked.

The pain in his chest had been dulled by Tadashi's offer, numbed a little by the idea of answers to questions that’d been eating away at him. Everything else, the ache of every mark Adam had made in the false name of passion, the fragility of limbs that wanted to give in, the thorns that hooked into his heart each time it beat? Those had magnified the second he saw the roses climbing over the heights of the wall.

“I don’t have to go with my mom,” Langa’s voice came as a crackled reminder of the present “Ginoza isn’t that far I can-”

“Langa it’s your grandparent’s anniversary, you’re going.” He managed a small smile at his friend’s stubborn form of kindness, but truthfully he was glad to know the apartment would be empty all weekend. There was no way today was going to go well and the idea of space was the only comfort he had going for him.

“Reki?” It was strange how someone already so silent could sound quieter than normal, but if anyone could master a new skill it was Langa. “Promise you’re okay?”

“Can’t promise that dude,” He laughed but there was a discomfort for false promises in every shaken breath.”But I’ll call if I need you, ‘kay?”

Just a mumble came through the line, a sulking but earnest disagreement that eventually complied. “Can you at least promise that I’ll still see you Sunday?”

“That I can do! I’ll even pick you from your mom’s place.” His back managed to straighten with just a little strength, even if it wasn’t the kind of relationship he wanted, at least they’d always have the comfort of each other’s friendship. “Wanna swing by that burger joint on the way home?”

“Mn.” another vaguely committal sound, but Reki managed to translate the much less subtle agreement in regards to free food.

“Alright I’m going now, tell everyone I said hi.” He snickered and curled his fingers around the top of the gate, dodging a few more brooding grunts before hanging up.

Screw Adam, he was going to get this over with, take a day to kick all of his feelings back into place, then go get shitty junk food and skate with his best friend. Those had been the happiest days of his life before all this crap, and it was exactly the life he wanted to return to.

❈❈❈

“Thank you for coming, Master Reki, I’m sure Master Ainosuke will appreciate this greatly ” Tadashi stood solemnly at the door they always used, the meeting place he’d arranged after fixing the desk and all the debts he could afford to pay. “I had your suit cleaned and made ready for you in the-”

“Save it.” He sighed, but tried to look apologetic for interrupting. “I gave it back for a reason…”

Something edged the corners of Tadashi’s eyes, a twinge of concern, a little sadness, but something deeper too. It was the kind of expression Langa occasionally got, a sort of distant heartache he’d never understood.

“Of course sir,” And just like that it vanished, steeled behind a blink and a poised gesture to follow him inside. “I apologise if I purchased the incorrect size for you sir, I’m more than happy to-”

“Nah it fit perfect- Wait you bought the suit!?” Reki stopped the step teetering over the threshold, and a thought that was more upsetting than he expected it to be “Right, of course Adam didn’t bother with it.”

“I assure you Master Reki,” Tadashi didn’t look at him, but rather led the way through the halls Reki had come to know too well for his own liking. “Ainosuke chose the style and colour. He was quite particular about the cufflinks too.”

“He was?” The question came far too quickly for how it made him feel.

A small nod glanced back at him “They were quite difficult to procure, but I did ensure the order was exactly as he requested.”

His collar started to itch like the hoodie had been replaced by that shirt, his chest holding back breaths like the waistcoat pinned it down. It was gone, nothing but a phantom sensation he needed to get over before being confronted with ones that were bound to be stronger. Yet that mourning feeling crept over him again, the reminders of all the times Adam had been gentle and caring, in more than just his gifts. But he did that for Langa too, conducted literal parades in Snow’s honour, so in the grand scheme of things a suit was trivial. Likely meant just as little to him as everything else Reki did.

“Do you seriously do everything for him?” Focus pushed itself back to the forefront, reminded him that even someone Adam claimed to love was treated just as poorly.

“I devote myself to his needs, yes.”

“But isn't that,” He tried to tread carefully, but he was here for answers and Tadashi was part of that too. “Exhausting?”

“It's part of my role sir.”

“Dude you're supposed to be married, he shouldn't be making you do all the work and shit.”

“I have no objections to doing so.”

“Course you don't.” Once again the guy acted like a freakin robot. Devoid of all personality or opinion.

“If I were to make an observation however?” A hand wrapped around the doorknob Reki had slammed just a few days prior, opening it wide and bowing a signal to step ahead. “I believe it is a similar act to repairing a partner's skateboard.”

“That's different…” He muttered awkwardly and falsely before stepping into Adam’s room. He wasn’t surprised this was where he’d been led, but it being empty left him just slightly off kilter. ”You're, you know, like his husband and stuff…”

Tadashi looked at him like he was waiting for a better explanation

“Me and Langa aren’t even- I mean he’s just a friend so…” Apparently that was as far as his own thoughts went, even now he couldn’t justify who he was over the sound of a single word ringing off every wall surrounding them. “I’m just passive or whatever.”

“With respect, Master Reki,” The word seemed to register strongly enough that Reki didn’t need to say where he’d heard it, yet a stern set of hands now removing the heavy black fabric from their arms seemed to overcome all the critiques that’d filled the room. “There are advantages to be gained, even in service.”

“Wait what are you-” He watched with widening eyes and increasingly warm cheeks as Tadashi slipped off not only the jacket, but the ever smart shoes, and began to loosen the knot of a tie Raki had seen wrapped around bed posts.

“Fulfilment, for example, the comfort that comes with devotion,” diligent, almost inspecting fingers pitched creases back into shape and teased whatever lint had dared to land, back off the cotton “and the satisfaction of control .”

“Control?” Reki repeated more quietly than he could hear, almost transfixed on the way the man delicately folded the jacket and placed it atop the dresser. “L-like what?”

“Without my support Master Ainosuke is unable to maintain his current lifestyle,” his voice dropped a single octave, but conducted all the hairs on Reki's skin “He is entirely reliant upon me.”

“He’s-” Reki stalled himself, honestly bewildered by the statement and apparently that was noticed, because Tadashi moved his eyes back to the corners as he stalled the motions undoing the button now freed by the weakened tie.

“Put more simply, I want him to need me.”

Heat flooded his cheeks, not because of the words, not because of the intensity, but because the way the pale green in those eyes darkened wore the same impassioned shadow he’d only seen happen to Adam’s. Except in Tadashi it was somehow even more imposing, it had the hairs on Reki’s neck stand to attention so deeply that his whole spine followed suit. The rest of the man’s face stayed exactly as composed as always, and even as a blink cleared the glare not a single other muscle considered moving.

“If you’d please, Master Reki,” In a single smooth motion Tadashi slipped the now loosened tie from his collar like a pink silken ribbon and gestured towards the bench at the end of the bed. “While I summon Master Ainosuke.”

“I-uh yeah, o-ok.” With a flustered and pitiful stammer Reki followed the command without question. Only it didn’t really feel like one, at least not like the orders or demands Adam gave. It was more like a request or an offer maybe, something that opened the door for him without forcing him through it.

Each step Tadashi took away from him made his heart beat higher and higher in his throat, like it was trying to reach his brain to make it see sense, but it never did. His eyes didn’t blink when he noticed the unmade bed behind him, his ears didn’t prick when they heard the rhythm of a shower hum through the wall between rooms, and his limbs didn’t move when he felt the steam flood out from the new door the man opened.

“My apologies sir,” Distant cogs began to turn in Reki’s mind when the voice addressed another. “if I might intrude?”

Tadashi stepped through the steam purposefully, disappeared in a literal cloud of orchestral songs, only to be thrown back through it and into the closest wall by another man.

“Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise?” Adam purred so deeply that it made patterns in the water dripping from every exposed inch of the body pinning his partner in place. “I was under the impression you were still ignoring me.”

Seeing Adam -seeing far too much of Adam- finally snapped Reki out of yet another trance. His blood began to boil from the heat of every lie, lungs wrapped tight around the sobs and screams he let out in tortured emotions, and all the marks on his skin stung like the slap in the face he needed to remember exactly what kind of asshole Adam had always been.

Still grieving nerves woke up with a rush of adrenaline for defence, launching him upright and as far away as he could get in a staggered backwards step. The same fight or flight he’d felt in teenaged nightmares pumped through him once again, spread thorns right into a chest torn apart by conflicting states of mind. Hatred and passion, anguish and delusion, fear and remorse, they all compounded on one another and the moment his heel made a scrape on the carpet, red eyes hunted down the source ready to choke it out before that same confliction calmed them into a scowl.

“If you’re here to apologise for your little outburst, I’m busy.” The near signature dismissive roll of a wrist aimed itself at Reki whilst the face turned back to who the other hand had captured by the waist .

“Apologise!?” All the confusion and shock caught up to him in one sharp snap. His heart was racing, eyes pulsing and fists trembling at his side. “I’m here to listen to your freaking apology, not give one!”

“Ridiculous, I’ve nothing to aplogise fo-” The words stopped as they found Tadashi’s sober expression, shifting into a barely withheld seeth. “I ordered you not to meddle in this.”

“You also requested I ensure his safety,” With just a single correction of posture, Tadashi had Adam take a step back and regained enough space to hand him the robe hung beside the door. “ Sir.”

The retaliation irked something in the very atmosphere, the speaker’s breaths stiffened, their target’s failed to conceal the truth, and their witness’s tried to resist the weight of their meaning.

“Wonderful! Now I have the pair of you conspiring against me!” Adam huffed with the dramatics that ticked Reki off, and they did so more than usual because he could see the blatant lies they tried to hide in the enclosure of red silk. “Frankly I’ve no interest, so if you’d run along to whereve-

“Can you shut up for one freakin minute!?” The shout left Reki with enough force to sting the bitten lips and whip all eyes in his direction. “If you’re not going to apologise fine! Fuck it! But if you two are playing some other game with me in the middle then-”

“If you think for one moment I would reduce my husband to nothing more than a game, then you’re sorely mistaken Red.”

“Oh look at that!” His arms flung out in frustration “You managed what, thirty seconds of silence!?”

But the conformation he needed was right there. Tadashi was everything to Adam, a piece so highly valued that he escaped the very board the game was played on, whilst Reki continued as nothing more than a pawn.

“That why you like the quiet guys? Can’t drown out your shallow ego if they never talk right!?” He laughed through pained tears because he was so worthless to the man that he didn't need to feign dignity anymore “Langa couldn’t talk over you, and you’ve sure as hell done enough damage to keep Tadashi in line!”

“ I’d recommend you stop there.” Hands curled around a cigarette case, but slammed it back into the dresser with the last frays of restraint. The suggestion pissed Adam off, good, it was about time the asshole took real offense to something, and nothing got to him more than the truth.

“No, no I get it!” Hands raised up in a false admission. “Me and Cherry? We’re just the argumentative assholes you like to screw to make him jealous yeah?”

“Ch-” startle flashed over the eyes before it found anger again “ That was entirely different.”

“Oh I’m sure it was!” he laughed with all the dramatics of Adam and all the sarcasm of himself. “In fact I’m certain you’ve got a thousand crappy excuses, just like every other two-timing asshole on the planet!”

“Why are you so determined to ruin all your progress over some delusional idea that I'm unfaithful!?” The damp sleeves of the robe cracked like whip when they caught the speed of Adam's dismay. “Because I can assure you Red, my vows to him predate any consideration of our arrangement.”

“And that's the problem!” His voice hurt now it found it’s case, ached with all the cursed cries this one mistake had induced “I didn’t sign up to be your fucking mistress Adam!”

“Need I remind you that you decided every aspect of our arrangement?” Adam’s constit did nothing to hide the tremble in fangs used to smirking and fingers used to the sympathy of cigarettes. “And that I went out of my way to spoil my own enjoyment thanks to your refusal to tolerate even the sight of another partner.”

“But Tadashi isn’t some other partner!” Reki screamed “Being married makes it different and I know that you know that!”

More truth bit at Adam’s restraint, outrage and insult bore holes in the contact of eyes, but for once Reki didn’t give in. He didn’t falter even though it hurt, didn’t let his pain be dismissed, didn’t cower away like he always did. Reki stayed in the firing line until it whipped away to confront the man still silently observing a fight he was the only victim in.

“Are you just going to stand there and let yourself be insulted!?”

“Would you like me to intervene sir?” Only a single bow moved with the calmness of his lips. Not a hair came out of place, not a breath out of time, he hadn't even attempted to dry the soaking wet shirt now clinging to his chest from where Adam had forced him against a wall.

“I’d like you to say something at the very least!” Frustration panted over itself, watching him with both turmoil and heed.

“And you, Master Reki?” Just the eyes shifted their stance, falling on him with an intensity that forced anger to swallow itself.

“I slept with your husband.” Reki struggled over the weight of his mistake but kept that same endurance he had when facing Adam’s fury. “Even if you beat the crap out of me, I’d deserve it.”

“Very well.” The same curt bow that came with any normal interaction kept the room in silence. “If you’d please return to the seat as I’d instructed.”

It was almost surreal how detached from reality Tadashi could be whilst still having enough control over it that Reki immediately complied. He watched as the man fixed the few creases he’d earned just like before, how his posture never unbound in the stalk across the room, and how even Adam seemed to study every action even if they went unseen by Reki's untrained eye.

“If I understand correctly,” irrational rationality focused right on him “you have concerns about my position in our marriage?”

He nodded carefully, his voice now trapped somewhere unseen.

“Then please,” Tadashi’s steps paused just a fraction ahead of his husband's breath. “allow me to absolve any doubts.”

Before Adam could complete the first drag of his cigarette, before Reki could process the shift in the laws of nature, Tadashi had slipped his mouth around his husband’s whine, stolen it for himself and was now breathing the smoke back out from his own lips.

“As exciting as that was, I don’t remember giving you an order dog.” But despite the venom in his tone Adam seemed intrigued above any other emotion. “You’ve been rather disobedient, something you’d like to confess?”

“Please, pardon my manners Aniosuke-sama.” The shirt dampened from the transfer of water clung to the tension between them, only peeling away as they herded each other back against the bed, sending the satin of Adam’s robe to flick out and brush against the fingers Reki had tensed into the leather.

Whilst it was a near non-existent sensation it was enough to jolt him to the side, clutching his hand like it’d been scorched and blowing his eyes wide in sheer surprise.

“Dude seriously!?”

“My apologies, Master Reki, but as with all aspects of my life,” He felt that same prickle of hairs rush down his spine even when the eyes refused to meet him “Ainosuke is the priority.”

An amused, self satisfied hum came from Adam as he settled on the edge of the mattress. Followed by a second far more taunting one when hands yanked the other man into his lap. “Go on.”

“Whether he spends the night with me, or someone more appealing to his present appetite,” the fabric of trousers hugged every shape of Tadashi's straining thighs as he urged shoulders to lay down. “I consider it my duty to ensure he is satisfied.”

“The hell does that mean!?” They didn't even slow down let alone stop, and if it weren't for the words being said it was like Reki truly didn't exist.

“It means I want only for his needs to be met,” Much to Adam’s enthrallment Tadashi leaned forward on both elbows, one caging in soaking blue hair from above and the other beside an arm raised to chain him close, “Even the ones I cannot provide.”

“So you-”

“He’s a stubborn little pup, but he does spoil me.” Adam hummed with his finger under Tadashi’s chin “Unlike a certain other partner who does nothing but waste my time and drain all the energy I so graciously gave.”

“Bullshit!” He snapped, and part of him knew how insane it was to stay and shout instead of just leave but seeing the asshole get pampered felt like he was the one being punished. “You made me do all the freakin’ work!”

“I’m aware of how hard you’ve worked, Master Reki.” Tadashi’s eyes met him from where his face had nestled in the crook of Adam’s neck. “I’m incredibly grateful for all you’ve done.”

“Grateful!? Dude how can you just pretend to be okay with this!?”

Even Adam’s smugness seemed to tense, whatever thrill he was so clearly on, paled in comparison to an almost nervous anticipation for the answer.

“I have no reason to pretend as such.” His voice lingered over a tenon pulled taut by the jaw he shadowed, “When I can continue to please him through you.”

All of Reki felt like fire, his chest, his face, his heart, all ablaze with a swell of embarrassing emotions. But Tadashi’s eyes stayed on him, and Adam’s on Tadashi both of them studying the respective reactions whilst Reki’s bounced around with a fevered uncertainty.

“What are- but you weren't even-” His throat started to shrivel in on itself, stammering as much as the blood pumping in his ears. “What!?”

“Your visits encourage Ainosuke’s best qualities,” A crooked brow from the man in question, watching his partner go back to leaving a trail of adoring kisses to every shape of his neck. “His charm, drive, passion.”

Memories swallowed themselves, specific lines of mocking praise where Adam had said the same thing about Tadashi, about him, about being a motivation for jealousy.

“I found peace of mind in upholding your arrangement, by ensuring you felt comfortable in these walls, by affording privacy despite my worries for both your safeties,” he glanced up and snagged Reki’s nerves once more. “Or by suggesting a job whilst you were on his mind.”

“Yo-” Some mix of confusion and betrayal had him switch to the face that had pulled away from the embrace with the exact same expression “I thought the job was your idea!?

“ It was.”

The job, the job Adam have given him, the job he’d cherished and adored, the job that opened so many doors, the- the job that gave them an excuse to see each other in the daylight, the job that Adam found a chore but now never missed, the job that meant he could be conveniently summoned on the days where a distraction was most needed.

“Sly dog…” A hummed purr lifted Adam up on the flats of his forearms, the same thoughts replacing emotions that were no longer linked.

“So you admit it,” Reki chose frustration instead of the intrigue displayed before him. “it wasn’t your idea?”

“Oh it was, but only after I was reminded that the position needed to be filled.”

“So you..” Reki trailed himself off, looking to Tadashi for answers that were spoken only against Adam’s chest

“When I initially agreed to this arrangement, it was to remain on nights you both attended S. But that was unsubtle…” Lashes dipped over sage in an apologetic adoration of the muscles he tried to coax back down. “…risked the loss of your company.”

More fluster spread across Reki’s cheeks, Tadashi fussing over Adam was normal, routine, but the issue with S had been his. He was the one who got freaked out, and got freaked out by Adam telling his other “partners” about their first time too. That should have been an opportunity for Tadashi to get rid of him, to keep him and Adam apart, but he’d done the opposite, he’d invited him into his home, had supported the parts of the job he found most difficult, always made sure to excuse himself when the work was done.

Tadashi wanted him to be here.

“With you working alongside us I could protect your privacy,” A hand snaked between them, teasing the water on Adam’s skin until it slipped further inside the robe than Reki could see. “And ensure no harm came to Ainosuke.”

“I wouldn’t…” Why did his voice feel so quiet? His body so mellow despite the treats that surrounded him? “I’m not the one who did the hurting here.”

“I know,” Tadashi ignored the forced stubbornness, and whatever protest Adam’s lips had started to make “But I apologise that I failed to meet your needs, Master Reki .”

“That’s not- you didn’t fail anyt-”

“Let him finish.” Adam scowled and once again their position seemed to swap with one another. Reki had been frustrated when Adam was excited, but now he was calmer, Adam looked pissed. “I want to hear exactly what the dog has to say for himself.”

“Only that you’re passionate Master Ainosuke,”

From where Reki sat, just a foot, maybe less, from where their limbs entwined, the praise left ripples over the bumps on his skin.

“Commendably, and perfectly passionate.”

He whispered gently, kissing him up and down the throat and Reki could almost feel the pressure when he swallowed the sight.

“The depths of your adoration is second only to your beauty.”

Tadashi shifted further under robes and even though he couldn’t see the touches they made, he felt the ghost of delicate fingertips graze inside his own thigh.

“ Mnn keep going.” A low groan seemed to take great enjoyment from the efforts of unseen hands, a sound Reki’s body knew all too well not to pulse in want of it against his ears. “I might even accept your apology at this rate.”

“You’re so generous, Ainosuke-sama.” Reki wanted to scoff at the whined breath that left Tadashi, but he didn’t, he just stayed and watched the smirk creep up Adam’s cheek as it studied both of them in the mirror beside him. “Thank you for allowing me to please you like this.”

Lips slipped back together and despite the only disgruntled reciprocation, he kissed Adam just like Reki had tried to a few nights ago. He kissed him openly, hungrily, kissed him with a kind of passion that had been so new to Reki that he hadn’t had time to cherish it before it shattered.

But Tadashi kept going, and with every ounce of praise Adam melted into it, kissed him back even harder, laid himself down into silk and let himself be worshiped with something Reki could only mourn despite it being entirely unknown. It made him jealous and at least he knew what jealousy felt like, because he’d felt it twist his nerves every time Langa brought someone home, let it fester in the pit of his stomach until it caused tears, and ignored the pull it made towards the inspiration he was feeling again right now.

Except it wasn’t Adam’s lips he wanted to steal, but replace. He wanted to be wanted like that, to be loved by someone so devoted, to have someone who would ignore any eyes that watched them just to kneel at the base of his shrine for the chance to apologise.

He wanted praise, wanted reciprocation, wanted to collapse or burn to do any of the terrible things Adam had done just for a single second of his life.

“I take great pride in giving you whatever you desire most.”

Tadashi’s lips lingered just out of Adam's reach, and Reki found his own pull open like it would somehow bring the touches close, bobbing a lure like Adam’s only robbed of the relief they grazed against.

“But in order to do that,”

Something in the tone shifted. The flattery pulled taut in a way that straightened Reki’s back, had his heart pound as Adam’s eyes got wide, had both their legs twisting in intrigue as Tadashi leaned back on his shins with the wrist between Adam’s thighs craning backwards in a threat.

“I need you to be honest.”

“What on earth are yo- ”

A moan unlike anything Reki had ever earned broke out of Adam's lungs, shoulders thrown hard into the mattress and whilst the spine lurched away from it so hard that Reki saw exactly what Tadashi wanted him to see.

A kiss locked the muffled sounds in places, nails ripped white hot marks under a collar Adam had yanked down, and two fingers soaked in all the water stolen from the man's body thrust hard inside.

His pupils flickered between shrinking out of sheer shock and swelling open to take in every bounce of Adam’s leaking cock against his stomach. Each jerk of fingers looked methodical, practised, stayed on spots that had legs scrambling to grip silk and forced hair to matt itself from shaken whines. Tadashi was working him relentlessly, knuckle deep in movements Reki knew, movements Reki had felt, movements that had his own dick throb and thighs squirm from the memories alone.

It was exactly how Adam fucked him.

All of a sudden he was as hard as he was from being touched by the hands fisting at Tadashi’s back, restlessly impatient and close enough to have every heated breath smack his awe stricken face. Adam was practically snivelling from the praise still being spoken against his lips, helplessly grinding himself against Tadashi’s hip for the same friction Reki needed, struggling to hold his grin from how it was shattered by pitched moan. He’d never seen Adam like this, he’d had him broken below him, a molten wreck from hours of effort but this was different, this was desperate.

“ Ahh-ha!” Those sharpened fangs bit hard into the next kiss “Damnit dog .”

Every drop of sweat seemed like they poured from a different man, yet some things stayed the same. The flecks of white hot tears in red, the flush spreading across his chest, the thick vein throbbing with the last seconds of arousal.

With just a gasp from Reki that went unheard over the bitten grunts and fractured moans of the other men, Adam’s throat bared itself to the ceiling, scalp down in the spring of the bed and cock rupturing its climax right over his heaving chest.

The only thing stopping his own dick from following was the whiplash from how soon the man had broken. It barely lasted a few seconds but reduced both Reki and Adam into stammering messes, leaving the most subservient voice in the room to command all attention.

“The reason I have no concern over your arrangement, Master Reki,”

Tadashi stayed over Adam on all fours, panting into mixing breaths with his own erection pinned tight by the seams of trousers and eyes firmly on Reki’s.

“Is because there are some services only I can provide.”

He heard his own pulse in his ears pounding a drum that beat the realisations into him. Tadashi lived to serve Adam, gave him everything in every damn sense, and Adam was a greedy bastard who clearly wanted to get his hands on every damn option, even if it wasn’t on the menu.

But those hands were now being gently kissed until the unclenched, sweat brushed carefully from cheeks, and shaken legs coaxed back down until they accepted the need to rest. All the things that’d been broken now put back into place by far more attentive hands.

A thousand beats had passed though Reki’s veins, cycles of laboured breaths from Adam’s lips, and yet time had somehow reversed for Tadashi. His hair carefully stroked back into place, his body standing unbothered by all it’s efforts, and a soiled shirt in the process of being exchanged for another. He looked so immune to it all, even more than Adam had once seemed, yet now composure Reki had taken pride in just cracking was cursing through defeat as the single dirtied sheet was carefully manoeuvred from under him.

“My apologies Master Reki, but it appears Ainosuke-sama has spoiled your clothes.”

The small gesture of white cotton being folded over forearm, and a free hand gently beckoning him upright had Reki finally look at his own chest. Spray and soap from the shower had left dark droplets to soak into the plush fabric of his hoodie, and a single streak of Adam’s spend coved the faded icon he’d once printed.

“Dude! What the fu-” He went to scald Adam with his flustered disgust, but the second he stood up Tadashi was back between them, with a far firmer hand extended.

“Please sir, allow me to wash it for you.”

“You’re fussing.” Adam tutted, arm pushing himself up into a sit, robe splayed out under him, and eyes pointedly waiting until Reki could see them before turning away with feigned arrogance. “And over someone completely undeserving of it too.”

“Regardless of circumstance,” Another attempted insult tried to shout but yet again Tadashi shielded all attempts. “Master Reki is a guest.”

“But-” Reki clutched his hoodie tight, like a man who’d never so much as touched him would suddenly will it right off him.

“Please,” He sounded so painfully stern, right on the edge of a beg his composure didn’t want to allow “make yourself comfortable whilst I amend my error.”

Just like that Reki’s grip was proven correct by its own surrender. He carefully wrestled himself out of the stained hoodie like he was appeasing a final request by adding another burnden to an outstretched arm. The man was calculated, methodical, could anticipate both their thoughts and instinct to argue with another, and made all efforts to rein it in. A fact that bit at Reki’s still frazzled nerves though. Tadashi corrected mistakes, but he never made one.

“You did that deliberately.” Both Reki’s words and Adam’s expression struggled to hold themselves together with thoughts that were still unfortunately entwined. “Asked me to sit right where you pushed Adam down so there’d be an excuse for me to stay?”

No admission came, no confirmation or agreement, just a small flitch to acknowledge the suggestion he’d made. In the middle of an already tangled web Tadashi had offered him clarity, closure, for the truth of their relationship, and even Reki couldn’t argue that what he’d just witnessed counted as anything other than abundantly clear.

A fact that seemed to earn Adam’s ire. ”I ought to tighten your collar for that indiscretion.”

“I understand sir, I apologise for my disobedience.” He bowed gently, entirely normally, the only sign of the event a slightly loosened tie which was swiftly corrected before he was even upright again “If you’d please, I would like to return to my duties?”

Adam only grunted in reply, shoving his arms back into the sleeves of his robe, and swiping his cigarettes back from where they’d fallen in the bed.

“Master Reki,” His name snapped some of the nerves back into consciousness, a few unsteady blinks “might I suggest that the two of you take this time to talk?”

“I-uh” Exhaustion, bewilderment, maybe a full on state of shock had Reki drop onto the opposite side of the bed as Adam, facing the man already closing the door with his back on the one he was supposed to be talking to. “O-okay.”

What the hell was he doing? Just sitting down on the same bed he’d just watched them fuck on, the same bed he’d been fucked on. This was all so surreal, so insane, such a completely indescribable trainwreck of ridiculousness that could only be pulled off by someone as twisted and dramatic as the man muttering behind him.

“If you're gonna talk, at least do it loud enough to hear.” Reki scowled at their reflections, just catching Adam’s make a glance before turning away into the sparks of a lighter. “Isn’t that what your husband wants us to do?”

That irked something in him, had already clenched fingers pinch the cigarette so tightly that it left a crook in the shape. “I’ve said as much as I want to, repeated the same lines over and over with you.”

“Yeah and not one of them was I’m sorry.”

“Because I’ve nothing to apologise for, I never wanted to keep him from you, or you from him, it’s your faults for being so timid.”

“You know how I feel about this shit.”

“And you know how I feel about him.”

“No I don’t!” He snapped, fist pulling at the bed and face whipping over his shoulder. “You told me you loved him but you act like you’re not even dating!”

“Because I can’t!” Adam made the same move, but stalled when their eyes met, apparently surprised to see himself be overtaken.

Anger lingered them there just glaring at each other with all the resentment, the history, the violent outbursts and the venom soaked words. All of it chaining them together whilst ripping them apart, that same push and pull felt so deeply in Reki’s chest that it started to hurt just as much as when the ring had fallen into his palm.

But maybe that memory was so strong that it flashed over his eyes, or brought back the same expression of betrayal. Either way, with a single blink Adam’s own anger dropped into the same fearful sadness it had that night.

“I won't let anyone hurt him.” Adam sighed and for the first time his voice sounded more shaken than smug. “You were right, I've done enough harm on my own.”

“You’ve-” Reki stopped himself short, face falling away with the same attempt to hide as Adam’s. Mirror images of each other despite both being on the same side of the glass.

Adam had seemed terrified when he’d hurt his shoulder and when the truth of his marriage had first been exposed. Those unintended inflictions of pain were the only moments where the rift between them grew instead of coming together. The times where they’d talked Adam had admitted that hurting someone he cared about scared him, showed that the gentleness and the support were things he seemed to second guess, revealed wounds from where a twisted form of love had been inflicted on his own skin too.

“Despite the dog’s refusal to give any semblance of an opinion,” A resignation as faint as the smoke wafting from his lips coated Adam’s sigh. “he’s been curt with me ever since you left.”

“He’s always curt.” That seemed to earn some small chuff of agreement, but all that tension still hung in the wide space the bed left between them. “I thought about your stupid metaphor, even asked Langa to explain some of the catholic shit a while back.”

“And I assume you’ve found some crudishly creative insult at my expense?”

“Nope.” He sighed down at his own legs, one raised to balance on the edge of the bed frame, the other left to dangle free, just skipping the rough fibers of carpet “But you’re wrong about the apple.”

Langa hadn’t really been much help, he’d explained the basics of the story, the premise and some half-interested attempt at remembering the morals Oliver’s family had apparently believed in. So in one of the crappy rounds of wallowing in his own self despair Reki had started reading, and then a little more, and even more after that. Just scrolling in the hope that he’d find an answer that would plug up whatever leaked from his heart.

“The apple doesn’t do anything, didn’t open anyone’s eyes like you said.” All the praise Adam had given in the name of the metaphor felt hollow now, the growth and progress now a flimsy facade. “It just existed, literally unnoticed until that snake rolled it into Eve’s hands.”

Adam’s eyes only met him for a moment, not quite remorseful, not quite comfortable either.

“It’s just some tool for someone else’s story,” Reki swallowed dryly despite his voice starting to fill with tears he thought he’d exhausted hours ago “Adam, Eve, even the snake gets their life outside the garden, gets to be the start of an entire world of people.”

That’s how it felt sometimes, after Langa had won a single race so many years ago, like he’d had a brief moment of happiness when he’d caught up, only for it all to slowly fade away again. Langa had surpassed the best of the best and only gotten better, Joe and Cherry rebuilt their lives to keep the other close, Miya had found friends outside of the mountain and earned medals without sacrificing his smile. Even Adam and Tadashi had apparently found each other once again, had fixed what everyone thought was broken and sealed it in matching rings.

Meanwhile he was still stuck in place. A lovesick teenager chasing a friend who didn’t want him, arguing with a man who took pleasure in crushing all hope of reciprocation.

“The Apple just rots away in the background.” Restrained sobs rolled through his body in waves of remembered failures and unnoticed attempts at being enough. “Passive all the way to the core.”

A pause nested itself in the smoke, the stall of pensive fingers letting it cloud in one place for far too long. “And is that what you think of yourself? As some… thing?”

“What else am I supposed to be?” He turned halfway onto the bed, watching Adam’s back for any sign of a reaction. “You used me to make Tadashi jealous, Tadashi used me to please you, and everyone else at S uses me as a free stand-in for Langa.”

That’s all he’d ever been really, an extension of someone else or a forgettable side character that helped the real protagonists reach the goals they were alway meant to. Even if he was as generous to himself as he was capable of being, and believed all the polite little lies people told to reassure him, his friends had only come together for Langa. Joe and Oka were the only ones who noticed his first major disappearing act, and those were chance encounters at best. Even his own birth had been a failed trail run that made way for his sisters.

“Guess I can’t complain about being a tool,” Nails in his bicep forced that train of thought to veer off its tracks and into a pit he could bury under a forced and breathless laugh. “fixing shit is the only thing I’ve ever been good at.”

“I never used you to make him jealous.” Maybe the attempt to disguise his pain was as transparent as the glass bloodshot eyes glared at him through. Or as obvious as the roll they made into a theatrical cover. “Of course I like how it looks on him but-”

“Spare the bullcrap Adam.” He was getting sick of the act, one he’d wrongly thought they’d long since stopped using “I already know you pulled the same shit with Cherry.”

“And I suppose Kojiro told that hmm?” Reki only made a muted groan in confirmation. “He’s as clueless now as he was then.”

A long drag of what felt like years of restraint, consideration, and a reluctant hint of guilt blew into the last swirls of steam slipping from the bathroom door.

“Yes I slept with Kaoru, and to be blunt it was nothing but a lifeless chore.” Despite his venom Reki could see how rattled Adam was in the bounce of the leg folded atop the other “He wanted attention from me, and I wanted attention from a dog who’d abandoned me for college.”

“Wait,” he sat up a little straighter, “This all happened when you guys were in high school?”

“It all sort of imploded around our graduation, yes.” he nodded without looking back “Adolescence is hardly the most rational experience.”

“But you did do it to make Tadashi jealous, like Kojiro said?”

“Suppose I did, would that change how you saw me?”

“I already see you as a piece of crap, so no.”

“And that’s precisely the difference between you and him.” There’d been an earnestness in Adam’s question that should have deserved more than a snide remark, but all the misery of the past few days and the absurdity of the last hour made it hard for reason to make it to the surface in time. “Kaoru’s insistence on pursuing feelings I never had were what bored me, made the whole affair an unnecessary heartache.”

“You sound like Langa.” He grunted and for a second that seemed to perk Adam’s intrigue, but Reki had no interest in indulging that curiosity today. “Whatever, still doesn’t change that you did the same to me.”

“If you bothered to listen to anything I’ve said, you’d know that the situations are entirely different.” another scoff that earned no favours “I’m under no illusion as to how deeply you despise me, and it’s impossible to break a heart that’s reserved for someone else.”

“Wait, wait, wait. So you only slept with me because I don’t like you?” But that wasn’t true, Reki did like him, at least he had before everything broke apart. He wanted something deeper than what they’d been doing, something that let him live out all the similar feelings he had for Langa. “You hear yourself right, how insane you sound?”

“Insane.” Adam ridiculed him through the cigarette tucked in pursed lips before pinching it between his fingers. “I think it’s entirely reasonable that temporary little flings don’t bother with getting attached.”

And that’s what it all hit him. The layers of inconsistent masks, the ever fluctuating metaphors, the way every single insult was armed with flimsy justifications and willful theatrics.

“You idiot.”

“Oh well thank you for that delightful contribut-.”

“You just want Tadashi to be mad at you!” Reki twisted around as he stood up, letting all his frustrated disbelief find their maker, “You’re trying to piss him off, so he’ll go all scorched earth psycho like you did!”

“Excuse me?” With the way eyes sharped around an identical stance Reki knew he’d struck exactly the right nerve.

“You heard me! You act like an ass, push as many buttons as you can in the hopes he’ll leave you right?” His arms flung out to exaggerate just as much as Adam’s entire performance “That way you can throw yourself a giant pity party and go back to pretending like everyone in the world hates you!”

“Is that a ridiculous notion!?” Ash crushed itself in a fist, all the crap he’d seen Adam try to hide overflowing in an angered shout “That I might deserve a little hatred?”

“Oh it’s ridiculous alright! Especially because you’re doing it to fuel your own ego!” Laughter slipped out with his frustration, just as lost as the rest of him but still able to find its mark. “Well guess what asshole!? He’s still here! That man out there is freakin’ devoted to you and you’re going to lose him!”

“Losing him is the last thing I want in this world!”

“THEN STOP PUSHING HIM AWAY!”

“I’M TRYING!”

All of the pain, the secrecy, the fear. All the flaws that had been contained for longer than Reki could ever know, erupted into the first honest thing Adam had said all day. The sheer shock of it all knocked Reki back a step, had his eyes open all the way through his tears, and had his pulse spike through his own anger until it was smacked completely loose. Whoever he’d been months ago would’ve fled the room in an instant, from that threat, but he knew the eyes glaring at him now, saw through their near murderous glare, to a man who looked ready to cry .

Just a few panted breaths echoed in the silence, filling the space the bed forced them to keep from each other. But even from here Reki could see the scrunch of lips and flare of nostrils force the mask back in place.

“Adam I-”

“If you’ll excuse me.” He grabbed a shirt and pants that’d clearly been left out by the man they were both fighting on behalf of. “I’m going somewhere I can smoke in peace.”

“Crap, Adam hang on I-”

Guilt for forcing the admission to come out like that flooded Reki’s voice until it went quiet, frustration for all the conflict he still felt chaining his ability to run to wherever they’d first frozen in place, and that lingering sentiment he wanted to ignore had him fall back into the bed. He hated that the smell comforted him, that the traces of Adam’s obnoxiously rose scented cologne made his breaths even out. Felt almost sick at the sensation of soft silk calming the goosebumps on his skin like they had their first night. Wanted to cry at the memory of all the times he’d been pulled close to a warm chest when the panic now festering in his own got too much.

Questions left a buzzing feeling on his skin, a restless disorientating static that only served to make his already strained nerves shiver with the tension on a tightrope. Tadashi had apparently known this whole time, claimed to be fine with it, even let them sneak around for the sake of Reki’s own nerves. It made no sense though, why would either of them want that, want him.

Adam had said it himself, Reki was a worthless piece of crap, the only thing he’d been given credit for was being some glorified sex doll, and even then it was just a pathetic attempt to seem useful. The only universe where things made sense was one where Adam was crewing with him, so Adam had to to be screwing with him, yet those emotions had all looked so real.

Every thought, question, decision inside his head was loud that it felt impossible to think for long and yet everything outside was just so quiet , so devoid of either praise or mockery, that the only emotion Reki was certain of was a near overwhelming sense of loneliness. Was this just another one of Adam’s mind tricks like the love hug? Stockholm syndrome maybe? Or was he just sad enough to catch feelings for the first person who showed an interest in him?

Doubt made him question if interest was even the right word. Because if all the poetry was a lie, then what value did it have? None right?

That seemed right.

Except if it was nothing then there was no need for him to feel so empty. No excuse for wanting to hear it all again. No reason for him to keep wishing Adam had just called out Langa's name like all others had done before. So if Adam meant nothing to him then why did feel like his own name had been stolen and tortured by the first person to ever truly say it?

“Damnit.” Reki muttered his sob into the hands smothering his face.

There was no reason for him to feel anything but hatred for Adam, even less so after everything that’d happened. Yet here he was, cursing himself for wanting to give an apology just as much as receive one. The thorns that had returned to torment his heart snagged on something familiar, a memory that was a near perfect match to the present. A swell of tears after a rainstorm, the loss of a friendship he’d just found, a chance for reconciliation he’d run away from until the truth behind his feelings made him want to rush all the way back into Langa’s arms.

An answer to an indecipherable question, triggered by the same man whose well polished shoes now stalled at the threshold of the room.

“My apologies sir, I was not aware you were resting.” Tadashi bowed carefully and Reki could almost feel the suit in his hands from how he’d yanked them in defiance of his realisations that night.

“I-I’m not, it’s okay.” His voice shifted as awkwardly as he sat up, folding his legs under himself, watching through his disorientation as Tadashi stepped inside.

“Thank you sir, I bought you a change of clothes in case they were required.”

He seemed even more pensive than before, gently placing the same green jacket he’d borrowed the first time he slept here on the table, then looking around the room. His head never moved, just his eyes, in slow yet focused sweeps. First the spot on the bed where Adam had been, then the open bathroom door. Unsatisfied, they flicked where a blue suit jacket hung, missing the shirt and trousers that’d been taken in an escape, settling only on an empty nightstand before closing on a sigh that made no sound.

“I see Master Ainosuke has gone to spend time in his garden.” Softly spoken but ever formal, Tadashi said just enough truth to cover the flaws.

“Something like that.” Reki nodded through a small laugh he hadn’t expected to hear in his breath.

But it was nice in a way, to have something stable he could latch onto, that Tadashi’s immovable rigidity, was the same now as it was back then. Even though so much had changed, so many relationships had transformed, the hands busying themselves with straightening the creases in pillows looked just as dependable as always.

“Can I ask you something?” He pinched the edge of his palm as both a deterrent and a motivator “How long have you two been married?”

Fingers paused for only a second, probably less in reality but Reki’s pulse was forcing itself to slow down. “Around four years sir.”

“This whole time…” Words fell quiet in contemplation, the idea of their vows crawling underneath Reki’s skin until it itched with his own family’s secret. “Has Adam been- I mean he’s flirted with Langa for longer than that, but-”

“Ainosuke has had other partners in that time, yes.” The prediction of his question wasn’t as surprising as it should have been, neither was the ambivalence to it. “All of which I was grateful to permit.”

“Grateful.” Even just repeating it left a sour taste on his tongue, but that didn’t stop it coating an even more pathetic question. “What about me? You were really fine with that?”

“I-Yes sir.”

“Dude.” Reki looked at the avoidance with a muted sadness “You said you’d be honest.”

With an inhale Tadashi stopped his work, clenching his fingers before flexing them straight at his sides.

“It was an..adjustment.”

“Why?” The response came out blunter than intended but cleared some of his own meekness. “I mean if he’s done this a bunch of times then…”

It was a selfish thought, a stupidly needy one too, but nothing about Reki had ever been special and he’d been reminded of that plenty of times recently. So either Adam was lying to Tadashi about there being something to be jealous of, or maybe, just a slim chance that there really was something unique about their agreement.

“Why was I different?”

“Because you were the first to stay.”

His mouth bobbed awkwardly around Tadashi’s stoicism, knocked off yet another ledge of confusion until something strange caught him off guard. A fracture in the stability that had the opposite effect that it should, a glint of fondness and mourning under sage that stopped Reki from falling out of a sheer will to continue witnessing its rarity.

“Aniosuke’s interest flares intensely but seldomly.” A small sigh tried to correct the slip but struggled. “and it wanes as quickly as it starts.”

He knew that, or suspected so at least, because it was the trait he shared most with Langa. The white hot passion that seemed to spark and never stop burning so long as there was a challenge to be used as fuel. A drive that had him devote himself to become the indisputable best. A focus that blocked out everything else wherever his obsession was present. It’d eased over the years, in the both of them in a way, but Reki could still see that their eyes were stitched on a goal, how the hairs on their skin stood up with adrenaline, and how their senses seem to forget themselves around the other.

Yet another form of jealousy that tightened the thorns.

“I believe in practicalities, and had no problem with his occasional need to express such freedom.” Tadshi had paused for a while, somehow knowing the depths of thought he didn’t want interrupted, and the sudden spiral he needed to stop. “Yet with you, he continued to burn.”

“So he- That’s not what happened, he got bored of our stupid game and decided screwing me would make it more interesting.” It was exactly what Adam had said after the first time, that his failure to win had been nothing more than a sad sack of something passive. He scowled an irritant to the side, envy over ability, value, Langa, making him want to pull his sleeves apart and go home. “Adam was bored and I was gullible, enough to believe him.”

“From what I understand, it was you who refused to let him lose interest.” Corrections drew all his attention with that same entrapment he’d seen hook both blue and red eyes. “Ainosuke would not gloat about your challenge if it were not true.”

“That’s not- I was just stubborn, didn’t want to let him win that’s all.”

“And so you continued to endure.” That single change in octave he’d used on Adam rang right through Reki’s ears until the bones down to his fingertips felt the reverberation “A feat only I have ever achieved.”

Fluster hit Reki’s cheeks in the same heat as Tadashi’s glare. A mixture of all the sadness from before, the jealousy matched by his own chest, and a strange sense of yearning all coiled around a core something downright possessive.

“I-I only stayed because I thought I was helping him! ” Nerves stammered even when the eyes soften in an attempt to quell whatever they had let slip. “Adam said he didn’t want me to hold back like he did with you .”

“With m-”

Whatever Tadashi had tried to quell was doused and smothered in an instant. Replaced by a weight -or maybe a sudden lack of weight- dropping his shoulder and jaw. It was barely anything, lips only slightly apart and fingers half curled against the seam of his trousers, but like all the tiny cracks today had revealed it seemed monumental on the man stood before him.

“He-I was supposed to be showing him how to be gentle with you and stuff.” A little bit of remorse of admitting to something so private, but then again Adam himself probably would have scolded him for holding back on a trust that’s already been betrayed. “I didn’t know you were together, figured he’d never, you know, like confessed and shit.”

“I see.”

Reki tilted his head, trying to get a better read on a face that had locked itself shut.

It was the same thing Langa did when he wanted to stop himself from thinking, or at least stop other people from saying things that forced him to think. It suited Tadashi too, matched his far more practised sense of stoicism, one that wouldn’t dare resort to the putted admission his friend’s did, but was still something Reki understood.

“Can I ask one last question? And you have to be honest.” He waited for a small nod at solidified recomposure “Did it work?”

“I-” Seeing someone normally so ready with an answer stall was about as strange as everything else he’d experienced today. "I am unsure, I had not considered myself as a factor.”

“Yeah I figured,” Reki sighed an all too relatable laugh.

“But that being said,” Tadashi looked at him with those glimpses of fondness Reki had caught him making before things had collapsed. “Your presence does seem to have positive effect on him.”

“It does?” The response caught him off guard even if the confirmation a growing part of him wanted to hear. “Ho-how?”

“When the councillors rejected Ainosuke’s proposal I struggled to balance both my role as a secretary and my role as his husband.” It had only been a day or two since that vote on the news, since he’d been ushered into Adam’s office with reheated food and ended up doing a lot more than what Tadashi had asked. “Any time I entered that room he was reminded of what was at stake.”

“Which would’ve just made it harder for him right?”

He remembered how quickly Adam’s temper had flared at what sounded like the suggestion of his private life, but he also remembered how openly he’d talked about wanting to be married to Tadashi, something he already had just not freely.

“I-I figured I was just a distraction?” He blinked through a moisture he hadn’t expected to feel so pleasant. “Or like a tool you guys needed to help fix stuff.”

It was like that in a lot of scenarios, Reki, his actions, his mistakes, his needs, they all gave Adam something to wrap up in a selfish little metaphor, Reki forced him to unpick.

An excuse to be free.

“As with other qualities I believe that is your advantage.” Tadashi fixed cuffs and creases that had never been out of place. “You should take satisfaction from the role you have already succeeded in.

Reki flushed a little, embarrassed from both the praise and a realisation of the other role Tadashi seemed unable to fill. But he was right, despite all the mockery, the irritability and his need to fix things earned from Adam, they worked.

“Alright then.” He stood up carefully, letting his breath completely even out for the first time in days and wiping the tears away from his smile “Let’s see if I can force that apology out of him.”

❈❈❈

Needless to say Adam’s garden was immense and stuffed to the -very well maintained- brim with roses. But just a short walk from the back door Reki was always summoned to, tucked inside a ring of red brick walls and pristine white awning, was a drained pool with two interlocking hearts painted at the base. The sleeves of the jacket hugged him as much as the sentiment the symbol apparently held did to the man he’d borrowed it from. The wheels of Adam’s skateboard skidded over them with a speed revered for his most frustrating beefs, sending bursts of flowery air shooting past Reki as he approached.

“My apologies sir,” Taashi cleared his throat in front of him, looking a lot more collected than the lowest points, but still a little looser than usual. “Master Reki has asked to speak with you.”

“How generous of him,” A inversion of the board just inches from Reki’s face launched the immaturity into an unmissable form of punctuation. “but I’m afraid I’m done with charity work today.”

“It’s hard to take that shit seriously when I know you’ve still got your own cum stuck to your chest.”

He smirked, thoroughly enjoying the fact that the insular flared Adam’s annoyance enough to falter his balance. But the thing that knocked him clean off the deck was a far quieter sound. A short, just slightly snorted noise from lips that quickly snapped themselves shut with the scrunch of a solemn face.

“Did you just-” An incredulous glare switched to something softer the moment Adam’s eyes laid on it “laugh?”

“I-” Startled filled the split of time between realisation and correction, but Reki’s eyes widened as much as his grin, spotting the lingering twitch in charcoal brows “Yes sir, I apologise for my indiscretion, Ainosuke-sama.”

The poor guy looked exhausted and Reki couldn’t blame him, he’d probably been awake for days thanks to both that vote and the shitstorm he and Adam had caused in his personal life. He couldn’t do anything about the first issue, but he could at least help clean up his own mess.

“Please,” Tadashi bowed before another word could be said by either of them “allow me to excuse myself.”

“Wait you don’t have to-” Adam stood in the centre of the pool, eyes still wide with a hope dashed by the back turned to his outstretched hand. It wasn’t so much as a rejection, more just crappy timing, but it apparently angered him all the same, pulling all the gentleness into a scowl that kicked the board into his hand.

“You can run after him, you know?” Reki folded his arms as he lent on one of the pillars beside the edge of the pool, enjoying the rare view of being above the asshole.

“I’ve heard more than enough out of you today. ” eyes rolled with a reluctance, and the stupid little flick of his wrist in dismissal made a cuff snag on the horns of a board used to illustrate every performative gesture. “Why not scurry off to Snow’s closest reject?”

“Unfortunately for both of us that’s you.” He smirked. “So if it’s cool I’d rather skip the foreplay and talk about why you just went all shoujo bubbles and giant sparkly eyed over your husband’s laugh.”

“I do not get sparkly eyed over the dog.”

“Right just like how you don’t come from a three seconds on that dog's fingers yeah?”

“And here I thought you wanted to skip the foreplay.” He hissed with a melodic threat Reki hadn’t heard since being thrown against a wall. “Want me to summon him back to see how long you last?”

Despite the tone and the mockery, Reki could see the irritation in how all eye contact was refused, in the obvious attempt at goading him into a fight, and in the way hands patted around his body in search of that little metal tin containing his last relief.

Each failed search of the same two pockets earned a new muttered curse, and an extra layer of frustration. He could’ve let him stew for a while, and get a little petty revenge, but that wasn’t what he was here for, and the distraction they both needed happened to be sitting beside his sneakers.

With a quiet groan Reki crouched down at the lip of the pool, grabbing the cigarettes and lighter before sliding down the slope on his ass. He didn’t need to say anything when he reached the bottom, just extended the offer and waited for Adam to sit at his side with a reluctant huff.

“Is there something that makes you both so insistent on fussing over me?” Adam wafted ash and embers with his usual dramatics, but Reki saw right through the attempt.

“Pretty cure Tadashi does it out of loyalty,” He smirked, dropping his head back into the arms folded behind it “I only gave you those because I know it’ll shut you up for a minute.”

An amused hum nestled into something more comfortable. The first cigarette had been practically whipped into place, but the familiar smoke made the image of a stuffy politician and showboating prick slumped into a basen of concrete, seem a little more at home.

It reminded him of being at S, of sharing a drink he couldn’t afford but suddenly had the taste for again. It didn’t change the confused mess tangled in the thorns of his feelings, but it was familiar and after everything, that helped.

“Listen, I still think you’re an asshole but I said some shit that was uncalled for earlier, the other day too.” He shifted his shoulders as he tried to settle everything that wasn’t. “And I haven’t let you talk, like actually talk, so I’m sorry…”

Adam didn’t fully look at him, just a small acknowledgement with the tilt of his jaw and exhale of a breath he’d long held. “As always you resort to needless grovelling instead of saying what you actually want.”

“This is normally the part where you apologise back dude.”

“I won’t apologise for trying to follow both your demands.”

He wanted to protest but Reki could understand that in a weird way at least. But since he was still refusing to meet his gaze, Reki decided to meet his instead, staring out in front at the scarred and scuffed hearts painted near the taller man’s soles.

“The pain however,” Adam stalled through a slow, almost difficult blink. “That I deeply regret.”

“Good.” he shrugged the bluntness much to his companion’s dismay, earning an angry little gasp and a glare in the right direction. “Tadashi might let you get away with the tortured and brooding artist act but I won’t.”

He looked ready to argue or insult, but like it had done just a couple of times when they’d been together, Adam’s anger seemed to melt into a smiled sigh back towards the embers encroaching in his fingers. “No, I don’t suppose you would.”

With a small smile of his own Reki nodded before looking up to slowly shifting clouds above them, just drinking in the first sense of peace he’d felt in a while.

“You are rather similar though,” The lack of attention apparently got to Adam’s ego after only a minute of silence. “A fact I wish I were blind to yet becomes more apparent everyday.”

“We are?”

“Irritatingly correct, both enjoy fixing every issue even where there isn’t one, far too meek for what you are,” The list of critiques rolled out of lips trying to savour the last dregs of nicotine tainted support. “and frankly you both refuse to be honest about what you need.”

“Thanks.” He glowered back “But you’re wrong, Tadashi’s more like Langa.”

“Oh?”

“Stoic, hard to read, kinda clingy like a lost puppy.”

“True, but I'd be amiss to deny the more positive attributes you two share.” Adam chuffed fondly, a sound that had Reki’s chest pulse for all the wrong reasons. “You’re both irritatingly passionate when it suits you, you make such a simple sport seem like a lifeline…”

Maybe it was the decline of the smoke, or the faint chill in an otherwise warm breeze, but the very air between them seemed to weaken when they met in the corners of their eyes.

“And you’re worth far more than the credit I give you..”

His body flushed in an instant, an embarrassment that didn’t go unnoticed by the smug adjustment of fingers stamping out the ash on the grey stone beside him. The feeling had been frustrating on the surface, but the more Reki let the words settle, the more he let the admission sink in, the more he acknowledged the earnestness they held, the more he started to enjoy the warmth.

“Well just tell him then.” he sulked in the other direction “I mean I get it with me I’m just you know… temporary or whatever .”

Reki made a roll of his hold that was more akin to Adam’s mannerisms, something he was almost scolded for by the looks of it. Although in a less stubborn part of his mind he was aware that the hint of disapproval was likely aimed at his self deprecation.

“Point is, he’s your husband. So why’s it so difficult to tell him you care?”

He watched as Adam contemplated the question, as the grip now missing its cigarette rubbed the ring on his finger. The sight still hurt, still made Reki’s stomach knot, but with each pensive twist he could see how the habit had formed, how the parts most touched were more polished, how the fingers either side crept closer to feel a brush of metallic roses. Each thought that turned the gold brought a new shade of the sun into the tiny distorted reflections, and just like the comfort of smokey memories, it helped Reki see the man he’d once found hiding under the mask.

“I could compliment him all day and he wouldn't accept a word of it.” Ainosuke started slowly, forgoing his theatrics but still captivating all of Reki’s attention. “I shower him in gifts and praise, reward his loyalty and dedication, I keep him by my side and make it clear that I’m just as infatuated as ever but he never reacts.”

A croak just edged the normally musical voice, but it was far closer to the truth in his words.

“I married him,” he sighed “and he’s still convinced I’ll grow bored of that love.”

Reki watched him for a moment, watch all the frustration he knew from Langa’s eyes torture themselves for their own stagnation. An unwanted but insurmountable version of passive .

Despite being so close, having literally vowed to stay together, there was still a distance between the couple. One that clearly left both of them feeling lonely. He understood them better when he thought of it like that, and accepted the idea that ultimately even Adam was scared of being alone. A fear Reki knew down to the very depths of his core.

“I don’t think there's a single thing in this world that could make Tadashi leave you, you know?” He gave the sterner shoulder the same nudge of reassurance he always gave his friend’s. “Pretty sure the guy’s obsessed with you dude.”

“And that’s exactly the problem, he refuses to voice so much as a single negative opinion.” A genuine yet purposefully dismissive tone rolled. “At this point I may as well concede to the fact that I’ve done so much damage that he never will.”

Sadness pushed through the air, cooling it with such a strength that Adam reached for the only warmth he could reach. Sparks flickered shadows that told the truth behind the void he tried to fill with smoke taking the shape of a man who Reki had never once seen Adam light a cigarette in front of. An exchange for the dependability he was missing.

It made sense now, sort of at least. It was easy to push people away before they did the same thing, and if Adam was scared of losing Tadashi above anyone or anything else knowing his dramatic default level of decision making it wasn’t exactly a surprise to see him leap to testing the limits.

But he wasn’t here to sympathise, he was here to be an annoying shit until Adam got so fed up he fixed his own problems for once.

“Nah you never concede or whatever ” He smirked at the brow crooking in curiosity “You’re ego’s too big to admit defeat that easily.”

“Oh?” Another one of those cuffs came from Adam’s lips, this one a lot more intrigued “And what makes you think that?”

“Because you’re a stubborn asshole who’d rather edge a guy for hours than let him finish without begging first.”

Adam almost choked on his cigarette -a very satisfying sight- but one that proved Reki’ thoughts correct. Almost every single act they’d done in bed had been coated in whispers of temptation, fuelled passion with defiance, and stroking hands molding his most selfish desires.

“So you want to make Tadashi more confident, but you’re scared of messing up, yeah?”

“What a ridiculous suggestion, the two things are hardly related!” Reki just stared at the daniel until it muttered in the opposite direction. “ Yes.”

“So that’s why you’re with me?” a drop of dred dropped from his chest to his stomach “As a trail run? Or because you want to make up for hurting him?”

“No I-” Adam apparently realised what’s he’d said, or possibly what he’d subconsciously done, for the first time.

“It’s cool if it is! I- I mean you know it surprising and a wish I knew before but-”

“Will you please stop your incessant apologising.” Adam glared at him in a way he hadn’t in months. “You’ve been wronged, stop floundering around like some pathetic little bore and go back to your point.”

“Don’t have to be an ass ‘bout it.” He muttered into his shoulder instead of admitting that Adam was right. The immediate default felt like falling back into his own old habits, felt like a failure for being ready to be pushed over, felt like being back at S and just a practice run or do-over for Langa’s rejection.

“Well you seem to prefer me be honest, yes?”

All worst apart from the last had been smug, that one however, turned a statement into an earnest question. One Reki only quietly nodded his pissmission for.

It took a moment for the truth to be found, a few moth cycles of smoke and breath, a few rustles of leaves and scented flowers, and singling prolonged draw of eyes shutting themselves off to anything other than memories.

“I’ll admit even when you were younger you irritated me in the same way I once felt about Tadashi,as our rivalry over Snow developed I began to see the same traits, the same displays of devotion that Tadashi had shown me…”

“Seriously?” Defensive but genuine nerves flared with the comparison that kept being made.

“At first I found it frustrating, Tadashi’s had worked on me and frankly there were times I thought Langa would fall for them just as harshly as I had.” His voice sounded so low, so serious, but not false. In fact it sounded almost defeated. “But then they made me reflect on that, every time you went ignored I released I did the same to him…”

“I mean…” Reki struggled over his own pain, over every confession that seemed to sound platonic to foreign ears, of every date that was met with normalcy, of every attempt to hold pale hands that had been met with a bump of knuckles. “Yeah you and Langa are similar but you’re always so flashy when it comes to loving someone.”

“Not when it counts I’m afraid”

Adam just looked at him for a moment, a passage of unfelt time until their eyes met and Reki saw a depth in them he’d never seen. An image of himself encased in a mournful shade of red.

“Never when it counts.”

Whatever part of Reki that had managed to decipher the expression, refused to tell his consciousness, instead flooding him in flush until he stammered away from the apparent threat.

“T-then why keep going with the game?” A question he barely cared about but it was the first he managed to grasp. “If you knew how it felt, why make it worse by getting in my way?”

“Well it was fun for a while I suppose, watching you torment yourself trying to outdo me.” That smugness came back to hum a few amused notes, before smoke quelled them. “But you kept going, just like Tadashi has for me, and I regrettably found myself testing that, trying to push you to see if you’d ever give up but you never did”

The same exhale of smoke quelled the surface of Reki’s nerves too.

“You passed every obstacle I threw your way.” It was almost like pride, but something far more witful that his usual kind “Became my favourite little challenge.”

“So that night with the whiskey, that was a test?” Even though it sounded like praise, a complement he used to strive for, he felt a little ill at the idea.

“Not all, in fact by that point I’d accepted your faults as more similar to my own…” She said it like it was normal, just shrugged like that wasn't a revelation. “I watched you deny yourself the one thing you wanted over and over, watched you be what everyone else told you to be…”

But as the words slowed Reki started to truly hear them. He remembered all the things Adam said about feeling trapped by his family's pressure until it broke him and saw the pain hiding Tadashi had left in the scar his free hand palmed in pauses between drags.

“Truthfully it scared me to see you following my path.” A couple of quick blinks and flutter of that same wrist, dislodged the sentiment like loose ash. “And that was such a new sensation that I found it fascinating.”

Just like that strange look, Adam’s apparent curiosity wrapped around Reki with something he didn’t understand the depth of. Even less so when he realised Adam looked at him in the way he often did when talking about Tadashi in their most pirate moments, melted eyes and fonder smile, not changing it for even a moment when he glanced towards the hearts in front of them.

“I never imagined it would turn into this, nor that I’d feel oddly protective of you in those moments.” Protective, a word Reki barely had time to process before he was caught in all the conflicting feelings hidden in a haze. “But I won’t pretend to be anything other than glad for the surprise.”

“Why would- what!?” He had no idea how to respond to that, the idea of his presence being something Adam was glad to have, had his chest simultaneously clench tight and pull in different directions at once.

Whatever feeling his expression portrayed however seemed to have Adam glance through the corner of his eyes before muttering whatever convinced him to steele his own emotions.

“I’m aware that I’ve hurt both of you, continuously so…” He groaned “And yes I had hoped you’d help me understand how to amend the loathing I felt for such acts…”

His veins pumped like it did each time Adam showed this much openness, beated that both raced and stretched out. A languid form of captivated attention.

“Admittedly hearing you say I made you feel admired soothed some of that.” Reki remembered, remembered that moment like he’d been forced to remember so many others today, remembered how Adam had made his efforts feel valued, never let him give into the struggle, abolished his nerves and recognised the achievement to took to overcome them, showered him in the only form of praised he’d ever felt worthy of.

Whether it was sex or not, Adam really did respect him, and they way all those swirling depths closed behind lashes, the way the space between them vanished in a single turn of his body, the way fingers abandoned a cigarette to hold his cheek confirmed that it was real.

“Thank you.”

But as the remorse brushed their lips together, all he tasted were the lies they’d told.

And he flitched.

That same sense of fear Reki had seen in the discovery of broken bones, in the drop of a ring, in the admission of guilt, dowsed Adam’s face until it pulled away.

“Of course, I’m sorry.”

It was the first real apology he’d given. And all it did was piss Reki off.

“No.” Anger and frustration hooked hard into his chest, so Reki used that same force to hold onto the bottom of Adam’s jaw. “You’re not pulling that shit again, not now.”

“What on earth do you think you-”

He shut him up with the same kiss he’d just denied, practically swallowed half the lingering smoke in the process, but not backing down until the rest of his body had followed the lead of his lips to straddle Adam’s lap.

“You wanna play stupid games with me? Fine.” Reki scowled at the apparent daze watching him, using the rare stun to get out what needed to be said. “If I stay with you I admit defeat right? But leaving means I’m a coward and you get to celebrate pushing another person away.”

“No. Fuck you. You’re not winning that easy.” He grunted and forced another slip of their lips. “‘Cause if I stay like this then yeah, we both lose, but at least I still get something out of it.”

“And what exactly is that?”

“This.” With all the energy his restrained anger had built up, Reki pushed hard into the hands on Adam’s jaw. With the desperation of his jealousy he whined into the lemants meeting him. And with all that passion he’d tried to suppress, Reki yanked their bodies close until Adam did the same.

He barely stank of the smoke he should, still covered in the dampness of the shower’s embrace. He tasted like the spoiled prick he was, with expensive wines staining what his teeth sunk into. He looked relieved instead of smug in the slivers of Reki’s shaken lashes. He sounded torn in the sounds that filled breaths reserved for insults. His hands were more frantic than usual, gripping and pulling at the back, the hem, the collar of his hoodie but never remembering how to get it off.

It was all so unlike the man he knew, and Reki hated that maybe more than how it made him feel. Because if he was honest, if he ignored how hard his fingers tensed into flesh and his knees into concrete, he wanted all the things he was being denied.

There’d been a knot in his chest from the moment their game crossed that first boundary, a tight and twisting constriction that made every emotion too painful to linger on. But as he stayed in that moment, as Adam’ fingers threaded his hair and his threaded Adam’s in return, all those bindings fell loose.

He missed him.

“Damnit.” He dropped their brows together in a trembling set of pants. “I hate you so much, right now.”

“ Oh? Am I really that detestable?” The conceit slipped back into place, but Reki found comfort in the honestly behind its shield. “Ready to abandon me again?”

“The worst.” A smirk let his joints relax tension he hadn’t realised had hurt so much. “But no, I’m too stupid to back out-”

“Please excuse my absence Ainosuke-sama I-” Just a few pensive footsteps paced across the path before stopping dead in their tracks and the clear of a throat. “My apologies sirs, I’ll give you your privacy.”

“Wait crap!”

Reki tried to scramble upright, or off, or in any direction at all because somehow he’d gotten so wrapped up in all of this that he’d forgotten Adam was still married.

“I’m so sorry Tadashi!” His voice cracked around the resurgence of nerves “I swear! It’s not what it looks like!”

“Yes it is.” A hand at the back of the borrowed jacket yanked him back into Adam’s lap, and even if the instruction was aimed at the man above them, the intrigue in the eyes never left the heat filling Reki’s face. “Set the table for three, our guest will be staying a little longer.”

“Of course sir.” Not a single hint of annoyance, or dismissal, or anything at all flavoured Tadashi’s tone. Not even when he looked to him for approval. “Do you have any preferences, Master Reki?”

“I erm- no I-”

Stammering so quickly after what was probably the most confident declaration of his life could only be described as embarrassing. But the fact that he could feel the smallest finger on Adam’s hand slip down his spine and play with the hem in full fucking view, that was humiliating.

“I’m okay thanks, just whatever’s easiest.” He forced the words out and the moment the man left his bow and their sights smacked the hand away. “The hell is wrong with you!? That’s your freaking husband up there!”

“One who’s been ignoring me and deserves a little torment if you ask me.” A chuffed hum came with knees bending to knock Reki into where it rumbled from the chest. “I’m willing to bet I can make him hear you from all the way out her-”

“Don’t even think about it, I’m still pissed at you.” A scowl had the grips loosen, but only slightly, that hairline trigger of Adam’s restraint was just a fraction more noticeable than apparently intended. “I said I’d stay but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with this crap.”

“Then there hardly much use in you staying at all.” A feigned scoff leaned back against the pool’s slope, one arm raised behind his head and the other searching for the cigarette case beside them. “Like it or not, I’m married, and l’ve no intention of pretending otherwise.”

“You pretended otherwise for over a month.” Reki confiscated the metal case before it could be fully opened, but just like the clasp the argument on his lips snapped itself shut.

Why was he staying? Sure he wanted to stop Adam from “winning” but they both knew that the game was now a thinly veiled excuse. There were feelings he didn’t want but couldn’t ignore, yet even if he admitted to them they couldn’t be reciprocated. Adam had a partner, one he neither wanted to or even could replace. There was no reason for him to keep going, not really, and yet something was just telling him to see it through.

“Tadashi asked me to try and understand you two.” He sighed “After everything the least I can do is hear him out.”

“If that the only reaso-”

“ It’s not.” He still didn;t understand his feelings, or what he wanted from them “ But I don’t think I can keep seeing you, or doing this until I know it’s okay.”

“As I’ve tried to tell you, repeatedly I might add, I’ve no interest in restraining my love any more than it already is.” Adam huffed “If I want to sleep with some I will, and the same goes for the dog, he’s more than welcome to take whoever he pleases so long as it’s my bed he returns to in the morning.”

“He’d never been in your bed when I’ve stayed the night.”

“Yet another gracious attempt to placate you on my behalf.” Another snatch was made for the cigarettes but Reki whipped them out of reach, he wanted the man’s full attention for this. “Forcing myself to scurry off to a guest room in my own home.”

“Wait, is that why you’re always gone in the morning!?” He shouldn’t have felt as jilted as he did “I thought it was a work thing.”

“Part of my arrangement with Tadashi is that we’re always the first and last person the other speaks to each day.” For someone so flashy about romance, that simple earnest act brought a faint touch of colour to the expression trying to avoid him. “If he insists on staying at the office I stay too, if I’ve be forced to fly across the damn planet I call no matter the time difference, and if some red haired brat decided to occupy the entirety of a bed twice his size, I much rather ensure my husband knows it’s him who ought to be there.”

Reki jst sat there for a moment, taking it all in, remembering all the nights he’d fallen asleep first, and all the mornings he’d woken up alone.

“Then why let me stay at all? Why do any of this?”

“We're going in circles and frankly it’s boring me.”

In the momentary lapse Adam managed to snatch the cigarettes back. But to Reki’s, and apparently Adam’s surprise, they remained unopened, instead being tucked into the same pocket his wedding band had fallen from.

“But with the matter of the sleeping arrangements.” Adam stood up, knocking Reki off and brushing himself down. “It was an attempt at being nice.”

“Adam I-”

But before he could say a word, not that he knew what he wanted to say at all, he’d before reached for the ladder back out and escaped the gratitude Reki wanted to express. If Adam loved as deeply as he appeared, and sometimes Reki suspected it was even deeper than that, then having to leave his husband's company, having to hide someone he so clearly wanted to boast about loving, that much would have broken his heart.

That was something Reki understood, something he wished he’d known from the start, and more importantly something he could fix.

An idea that had him laugh brightly as he pulled himself out the pool with a scramble of uncoordinated limbs. He was going to piss Adam off so much, and make sure Tadashi got exactly what he couldn’t say he wanted.

The man’s undivided attention.